Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Reality

This may surprise some of you but there are times when I don't feel like doing much, even though those times are not very often. :) Tonight was one of them. I was in a "blah" kind of mood again tonight. I think a couple of different things played into this mood.

For one, I attended a funeral today for my dear friend Liz's mom. It was an absolutely beautiful service. It was probably one of the most personal funeral services I have ever been to. Liz and I became friends years ago while teaching at Farmington Woods. We had a unique 1st grade team and we shared a bond like no other team I have ever taught with. We have seen each other through the ups and downs of life. We all don't see each other as often as we would like but there is a deep rooted friendship there that is unspoken. Liz's mom had been battling cancer for over a year and last Thursday she left this world and went to be with the Lord. I honestly have to say I knew she was an amazing woman from meeting her myself and hearing about her through Liz. But listening to the stories told today in the service made me understand the kind of person she was even more. It made me think...what will my friends and family say about me at my funeral service someday? Will they be able to share such amazing stories like I heard today? Will they be able to say I was an amazing woman of God who loved those around me unconditionally? I definitely have been evaluating and thinking about Liz's mom and the story she lived here on earth and the lives she touched. I pray for comfort for Liz and her family and just hope I can live and model a life like she did.

Tonight's mood is also coming from the anxiety I am dealing with in regards to our son's appointments tomorrow. I feel like tomorrow I am going to have to deal with our reality. There is no more sugar coating it. There is no more ignoring it. There is no more thinking oh I will deal with that when it comes. I feel like for the first time since December 14th I am going to have to really face the truth that my son has OI. That he currently has a genetic disease and I can't fix it. Is he still perfect to God...of course. But I still want to fix it and take it away. I want to take away any future pain or hurt he may go through. I want to take away any worry or anxiety him and his future wife will go through. And I can't.

As of 4 pm yesterday, our appointments have changed for tomorrow. We are now attending 3 different appointments for Colton tomorrow at UNC. First he will have a skeletal survey as they call it where he will receive xrays to make sure there are no hidden fractures currently in his little body. Then we will meet with the Genetic Counselor and Geneticist to discuss the OI. Then we will meet with the Endocrinologist that will be following and working with Colton. I am SO very thankful and praising God that we have such amazing genetic counselors that have scheduled these appointments for us and gotten us in to see these doctors so fast. But I would be lying if I said I am not a bit anxious, nervous, and scared for the appointments and the reality I am going to have to face. I will definitely be wearing some water proof mascara!

3 comments:

Kim Smith said...

Mandy, you know that I love you and am praying for you and for little Colton. It will be hard to face the reality, but I'm proud of you for putting it out there and allowing us to be here for you. I will pray that your questions will be answered and that God would ease your fears. You are so strong, and just remember that God is in control. He's got this. And yes, you should definitely wear some waterproof mascara! Love you lots!

daniel, alinna, and ruby. said...

mandy, i can assure you that someday at your funeral there will be so many kind and loving words said about you. you're so intentional and loving, and i'm thankful for your friendship. i'll be praying today for your appointments.. i was just thinking of all of you yesterday while looking at colton's birth announcement in our fridge. i was thinking on the verse on the back of it, and although my heart felt heavy knowing that sweet colton has OI, i also felt comfort knowing that at the Lord was knitting his little parts together, he specifically put that imperfection in his genes for a purpose.. i know you, or any of us, don't understand what it is or will be, but i hope you can find some comfort in knowing that, although it saddens the Lord even more than you that it is there, He can and will use it for good somehow and at some point. i can't wait to hold that sweet baby and say the prayers i've been praying from here right over him. love you..

alinna.

Tyler and Rachael said...

Hi Mandy. I just got caught up on your last few blog updates. Know that I will indeed be thinking of you and your family as you continue to process and learn all that will be involved with Colten and his appointments and future. You are a strong person and I know your faith is strong and I think this will make all the difference in the coming months. I hope your arm continues to get stronger as well. One day, far away, nothing but good amazing things will be said of you at your funeral as you are a good amazing person who is constant in her devotion to God. Much love--- from Rachael.